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Dear Christian
Husbands And Wives,
Do you find yourselves struggling unsuccessfully to make
your marriage work? Are you frustrated having listened to
much counsel on marriage only to find it shallow and lacking
any real long-term solutions? Are you aware of the Bible’s
one indispensable key to a marriage that honors the Lord?
Generally, when the Bible’s teaching on marriage is considered, God’s people will turn to the Book of Ephesians, and
starting in chapter five, verse twenty-two, they will list from that wonderful passage, characteristics of a godly husband and a godly
wife. Then exploring as many present day applications as possible, Christians will often be admonished to become more like the
husband and wife of which they read. Central to the church’s present day understanding of marriage is this approach to Ephesians
chapter five.
But dear Christians, would it surprise you to learn that although the husband and wife relationship is indeed a part of Ephesians
chapter five, it is not the Holy Spirit’s main point in the passage? In fact by centering on marriage, many often miss the Holy Spirit’s
primary reason for giving us this wonderful passage.
CHRIST AND THE CHURCH
I know it may sound odd to consider that something else other than marriage is the main message of Ephesians chapter five, but
in this passage the Holy Spirit is using marriage only as an illustration in order to teach a spiritual truth. Marriage is not the main point,
it is the illustration of the main point.
Just like in the Gospel parable when Jesus said, “Behold, a sower went out to sow...” No one would say that
the main point of that parable is sowing seed. Sowing seed is the illustration. The main emphasis has to do with something spiritual,
which is the sowing of God’s Word. It’s the same kind of thing in Ephesians chapter five. Marriage is not the main point of the
passage, but only that which the Holy Spirit uses to picture the main point.
What then is the main point? Verse thirty-two of chapter five reveals it. And this presents the Lord’s key to all successful marriage
relationships! Paul, by the Holy Spirit, writes, “This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference
to Christ and the church.”
In context, the mystery mentioned is God’s miraculous joining of a man and a woman; how two can become one. That union is
a glorious mystery, but it is not, according to Paul’s own words, what the passage is all about. Rather than speak with reference to
the union between a man and a woman, he clearly states that in this passage, he is speaking about the union between Christ and the
church. The whole point of this passage centers not on marriage, but on the believer’s relationship with Christ.
Now in the last verse of Ephesians five Paul writes, “Nevertheless let each individual among you love
his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.”
As if to say, “Yes, there is application in this passage to marriage. We can learn about marriage from this passage, but marriage is
not the main point.”
Now why is that? Why is the goal of this passage to teach us about our union with Christ and not marriage? In other words, why
have a passage in the Bible refer so much to marriage and yet have union with Christ, not marriage as the main focus?
Is it because when the Lord inspired this passage, He didn’t know that in today’s world so many Christians would be experiencing
conflicts in their marriages? Of course not! But wouldn’t you think it may have been a good idea if the Lord gave us a passage on
marriage where marriage was the main point? Why in a Bible passage, where the Holy Spirit speaks more about marriage than
any other, does He say, “But I am not speaking about marriage, I’m speaking about relationship to Jesus?” Here’s why; the amazing
truth taught in this passage is this: Relationship to Christ is the foundation of marriage! In other words, the only way to enjoy marriage
as God intended marriage to be, is to enjoy a vital, progressive, intimate union with Christ. This is the indispensable key to marriage
relationships.
THE BUILDER OF THE HOUSE
Dear Christians, may the Lord give us eyes to see that we do not experience marriage, as God intended marriage to be, by working
on our marriage. We experience marriage as God intended, through the enjoyment of our union with Him. Ephesians five does not
have marriage as its main point because God knows we can only have marriage as He has designed, when it comes into our lives as
a Spirit-produced outworking of our relationship with Him. Centering our lives on Jesus, knowing Him, is the one key to successful
marriage.
In Psalm 127, we read, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.”
Only Jesus can build the marriage that brings Him glory and honor. You and I will only be as close to our marriage partners, as we
are devotionally close to the Lord. Our relationship to Jesus always determines our relationship to others, including our spouses.
That is why in a Bible passage that speaks more about marriage than any other, the main point is union with Christ. The Lord
knows that in reality, we don’t need six, or ten, or twelve keys to a successful marriage. We need only one key. We need to cultivate
friendship with Christ. We need to seek after Him and come to know Him more through the Holy Spirit’s revelation of Him in the
Bible. Only then will our marriages be transformed into what God originally planned for them to be.
When two people are not enjoying marriage as God has designed; if they can’t get along, or if their love for each other wanes, it
is always because one, or both are out of joint with God. And the solution is not a horizontal one, but a vertical one. The solution is
to get right with God; only then will they be right with their marriage partners. And as Christians get to know the Lord more intimately
they will, by a miracle of God, progressively enjoy a more intimate union with their spouses.
THE WEDDING
We see the same glorious truth in the Gospel of John chapter two in the record of the wedding at Cana. At this wedding you’ll
notice the Holy Spirit does not mention a word about who the groom is, or who the bride is, or the dress the bride wore, or any details
as to the wedding party, or the bride and groom’s parents. Generally, when a wedding ceremony is recorded, those are the kinds of
things we learn.
But here at this wedding (which is the only recorded mortal wedding in the Scriptures) the Holy Spirit’s spotlight falls
not on anyone in the wedding party, but on a guest at the wedding, and it is this guest who receives all the attention. Everything we
read about this wedding centers on the Lord Jesus Himself!
Dear fellow believers, this is not an accident! The Holy Spirit never records anything in His Word unintentionally. Jesus receives
all the attention in the record of this wedding in order to illustrate this wonderful principle: that relationship to Christ is the foundation
of marriage. If our marriage is to be what God desires, our focus must be centered on Him, not on our marriage. The only way two
people can truly enjoy union with each other is when they each individually enjoy union with Christ!
Therefore, dear Christian husbands and wives, may I encourage you. Do not listen to the many voices in our day that say the way
to solve marriage problems is to focus on them. This message of self trust is actually destroying marriages, as it turns attention to
ourselves and away from the Lord. Transformation in the Christian life never comes by trusting in our ability and desire to change.
It only comes through the pursuit of a greater heart vision of Christ through the study of the Scriptures in dependence upon His Holy
Spirit.
TRANSFORMED BY BEHOLDING
Second Corinthians chapter three gives us the key to all Christian growth. It says that when we behold the glory of the Lord, we
are transformed into the Lord’s likeness. In the Christian life, we are not changed by working harder to change, we are changed by
a miracle of God. We are changed by perpetually coming to the Son and beholding Him. And what holds true for Christian maturity
holds true in the marriage relationship as well.
You can become the husband or the wife that God desires you to be. God will surely transform you, as from the Bible
your vision of Christ increases, and you draw from Him life, and light, and love.
At the wedding of Cana there was a transformation. The wine, a symbol of earthly joy, had run out. All earthly solutions fall short.
And what is needed if joy departs from a marriage is not an earthly solution, but a heavenly one. Only the Lord Jesus can restore
marriage back to His original intention, and He will as we turn our eyes to Him
Seek the Lord dear believers! Focus all your heart’s attention on Him. Look not upon yourselves, and increasingly your marriage
will mirror the Spirit-produced marriage portrayed in Ephesians five. Pursuing the Lord Jesus with all your heart is the best thing you
can ever do for your marriage. To pursue a good marriage is to lose a good marriage. If you desire a successful marriage, go after the
foundation of marriage. Go after the Lord!
I love my God, but with no love of mine,
For I have none to give;
I love Thee, Lord; but all the love is Thine,
For by Thy life I live.
- Guyon
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